I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
