cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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