I wish my penis had an off switch
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
