I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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