He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
