So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
