You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
