he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
