Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
