the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
