Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
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Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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