I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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