Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
