: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
