Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
