Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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