i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
