Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
