I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
