i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
