Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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