I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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