so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
