my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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