chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
