Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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