I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
