It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
