walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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