no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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