so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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