Im at strip club and am horny
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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