38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
