Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
