Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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