Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize