Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
