so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
