i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
