they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
