im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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