Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
