when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My ass is underappreciated
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
