i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
