"it" just moved
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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