one two three fourrrrnication!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
