How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
