There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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