So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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