And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
