I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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