some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
