She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
