She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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