swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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