At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
