I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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