There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
