come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
