oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
