wanna go halves on a baby?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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