i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
areolas are like halos for boobs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
