just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
