Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
