My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
