he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
