HIV tests are more positive than that guy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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