Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
