Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
