i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
there is puke in my bra ... again
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
