Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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