Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
