Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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