i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
